How to Give Effective Feedback
If I had a dollar for every time I had to hold back tears after I received a piece of feedback. Taking a moment to be vulnerable and authentic here, feedback hurts. Feedback can tell someone that they aren’t good enough, it can reinforce imposter syndrome, and it can add fuel to the negative fire spreading throughout an organization. As someone who has experienced toxic and violating feedback, I am on a mission to arm leaders and working professionals with the tools to communicate feedback effectively.
And here’s the deal - There is plenty of advice on how to give feedback out there but let’s be honest - most of this “advice” tends to fall flat because of the usual idyllic talking points that don’t actually get to the heart of what is needed - what to say and how to say it.
As a communications professional, my goal is to arm you with practical communication tips in order to provide you with the actual how-to in any conversation.
So let’s start off with what NOT to do. Don’t be an asshole. Seriously. This is real advice.
Don’t be the manager who pulls a ponytail out of a woman’s hair and tells the woman that she looks like she is about to go play an intramural softball game (yes - this actually happened to me and you can listen to the story here).
Don’t be the colleague who pulls someone into a conference room to have a backroom conversation and call it “feedback”
And don’t be the leader who creates and enforces a fear-mongering culture where employees are scared to speak up and share their ideas
Since we have all probably experienced the fear-tactic culture, the gossiping workplace, and the bully of a manager. We know what feedback is not supposed to look like, but how do we know what effective feedback actually looks like?
Enter → Civil Communication.
“Civil Communication is the means to communicate productively while experiencing the humanity of the other person. ”
And let’s not forget that giving effective feedback is anchored in a culture of sound psychological safety which is defined as the option to make a mistake without being punished (Delizonna, 2017) and is reinforced when leaders have high emotional intelligence which is the ability to identify others’ emotions, personalities, and traits, as well as manage emotions well in oneself and relationships (Dr. Swain, 2020).
Psychological safety and emotional intelligence are all components of a healthy workplace and Civil Communication is the vehicle to deliver that effective feedback through productive communication.
3 Cardinal Rules for Communicating Effective Feedback
(without the backlash)
1. Don't make it personal
"You acted immature"
vs.
"I know you have a strong executive presence, but I did not see it come through in this presentation"
2. Give specific examples
"When addressing the room, only 2 out of the 3 attendees were asked questions"
3. Provide a go-forward plan
"In the future, cultivate your strong executive presence and be sure to include all individuals in the presentation"
And 3 bonus tips -
Be mindful of interrupting
When giving feedback, give the other person a chance to reflect on the feedback and listen to their response accordingly. “Do you agree with this feedback?” and “How do you feel about this feedback?”
Give your full attention
Feedback can be hard to receive so do your best not to multitask. Do not check your phone or look at your computer. Show you care and give your full attention.
Don’t be afraid to give feedback in the moment
Giving feedback does not need to be a backroom conversation or saved for a performance review. If your team is comfortable with it, ask “can I give you feedback?” at any time throughout the workday.
Communicating feedback effectively ensures your employees/clients stay motivated, it reassures your confidence in the team, and it creates a solid working foundation moving forward. Do not underestimate the impact that Civil Communication can provide when needing to engage in tough conversations.
Feedback can be hard but feedback can be so impactful. Deploy Civil Communication when delivering feedback and watch the people within your organize evolve and thrive.
References -
Delizonna, L. (2017). High-performing teams need psychological safety. Here’s how to create It. Harvard Business Review, 8, 1-5.
Chicago
Swain, A. (2020, May 19). COVID-19 and Beyond: Supporting Your Staff in Times of Stress and Transition. LinkedIn. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/covid-19-beyond-supporting-your-staff-times-stress-swain-phd-mba
