How to Discuss Politics with Someone ‘Across the Aisle’
Growing up in a household where my mom was a republican and my dad was a democrat, we did NOT discuss politics at the dinner table unless you wanted spaghetti noodles flying across the dining room. “Who’d you vote for?” was that awkward question that ignited a cautious smirk from myself and my brother because we knew it would end with some sarcastic comment and a lot of eye rolls (and maybe a chug of wine).
Outside of the dinner table though, I communicated with my parents through separate conversations and I learned to cultivate an experience of civil listening, alternate perspectives, and various takeaways around political discussions.
Politics are messy, political agendas are infuriating, and most of the time the average citizen is left behind. But what would happen if we learned to have healthy discussions and debates around politics? What if we realized our country is not as divided as is fed to us in the media?
At the end of the day, we are all neighbors. Unless we learn to live — and communicate — harmoniously, we will continue to feed into the agenda of the ‘other’ and we will create more unrest, incivility, and destruction.
And worse, the unrest seeps into the workplace and creates a corrupt and oppressive environment that people experience each and every day when they clock into work.
Change starts with conversation. Change starts with Civil Communication.
I offer you three steps to feel confident and comfortable when approaching politically heated situations.
Listen, listen, listen
Continually ask the questions…
"Can you expand where you are coming from?”
“What has been your experience with…”
“Tell me more”
2. Offer an alternate perspective
Ask if you can offer your perspective or if you can add additional context to the conversation.
“Are you open to hearing my perspective?”
“Can I offer a different point of view?”
**Note - some people just won't listen. If you are trying to be civil with people who clearly have no desire to understand other perspectives, it is ok to walk away.
Before you do so, try to test the waters. Ask if you can offer your perspective or if you can add additional context to the conversation. If they take it - great. That opens the door for you to engage. If they refuse, then you have your answer. While it is for the best of intentions, there is no use in arguing with someone who will not even give you the time of day. Civility demands civility.
3. Offer a go-forward plan
Start by asking “where do we go from here?”
And then ask if you can offer the next step.
The next step could be recommending a book, documentary, or policy document. The next step could also be to request to continue the conversation at a later date when both parties have calmed down.
The political environment in our divisive world is hard. Sometimes people avoid politics altogether and other times people shove their political agendas in your face. That is why I am offering 3 steps to approach these conversations with civil communication.
In my case, when I was growing up, I simply engaged my parents in political conversations separately and I listened to each POV without judgment.
I am passionate about using civil communication to tackle tough conversations because I refuse to believe that these stories and these conversations are not a catalyst for change.
It is up to us to hold each other accountable for change in this world. If we can start by simply asking questions, challenging uncomfortable statements, sharing diverse perspectives, and having the tough conversations, we will see change. I am on a mission to improve the culture of the workplace and it starts by igniting change at the dinner table.
