3 Cardinal Rules for Communicating Effective Feedback
Giving feedback is hard. You’re either worried about how you’ll come off so you end up not giving the person feedback. OR you’re too hard on the person who needs the feedback. I’ve done both. I’ve shied away from sharing my perspective on situations at work and I’ve been “too abrasive” when managing people.
Giving feedback is an important skill set to possess when working with people. When done effectively, feedback can build trust, improve working relationships, and genuinely improve the way business is conducted.
But it’s important to be careful when communicating feedback. Feedback can tell someone that they aren’t good enough, it can reinforce imposter syndrome, and it can add fuel to the negative fire spreading throughout an organization.
As someone who has experienced toxic and violating feedback, I am on a mission to arm leaders and working professionals with the tools to communicate feedback effectively. Here’s the deal - There is plenty of advice on how to give feedback out there but let’s be honest - most of this “advice” tends to fall flat because of the usual idyllic talking points that don’t actually get to the heart of what is needed - what to say and how to say it.
As a workplace communications expert, my goal is to arm you with practical communication tips in order to provide you with the actual how-to in any conversation.
3 Cardinal Rules for Communicating Effective Feedback
1. Don't make it personal
Has anyone ever told you “it’s not personal, it’s just business” and then proceeds to give you feedback that is entirely accusatory and even judgmental? That’s like saying “no offense but…” and then immediately saying something offensive. In order to have feedback be effective (and land), it’s necessary to make sure you are not offending the person in the conversation. Focus on giving feedback around the situation or the actions as opposed to the person.
It can look like this,
“You’re a bad negotiator” (accusatory)
vs.
"There is room for improvement with your negotiation skills" (non-accusatory)
2. Give specific examples
Giving and receiving feedback can be an emotionally charged conversation so it is important to give specific examples in order to cater to logic. Examples can look like,
"The email you sent to the team yesterday wasn’t clear. It was a bit confusing to read and it wasn’t clear on next steps.”
“That negotiation conversation didn’t go well because you were unprepared in handling the objections.”
3. Provide next steps
The best way to keep feedback productive is to always provide action items as a follow up. Next steps can include; additional resources for the individual to learn from, exact expectations of what you need from them moving forward, or evening asking the other person for buy in on how to move forward from the feedback. Providing next steps will keep the interaction productive.
It can look like, “Have you ever read the book Never Split The Difference? It’s one of my favorite books on negotiation and I think it’ll help you better prepare for your next negotiation.”
“In the future, always include next steps and a call to action in the emails you send so everyone knows what is expected of them in response.”
And 3 bonus tips -
Be mindful of interrupting
When giving feedback, give the other person a chance to reflect on the feedback and listen to their response accordingly. “Do you agree with this feedback?” and “How do you feel about this feedback?”
Give your full attention
Feedback can be hard to receive so do your best not to multitask. Do not check your phone or look at your computer. Show you care and give your full attention.
Don’t be afraid to give feedback in the moment
Giving feedback does not need to be a backroom conversation or saved for a performance review. If your team is comfortable with it, ask “can I give you feedback?” at any time throughout the workday.
Communicating feedback effectively ensures your employees/clients stay motivated, it reassures your confidence in the team, and it creates a solid working foundation moving forward. Do not underestimate the impact that effective communication can provide when needing to engage in tough conversations.
