Effective Listening - a two part framework
“Listen not to respond, but to be challenged”
Some of the best communication advice I’ve ever received.
When I was deep in my communication studies, I learned time and time again that listening is a critical skill needed for effective communication. And yet – I never really understood what effective listening truly meant.
I could hear what they were saying… and I could digest it… and I was responding… so wasn’t I being a good listener?
I thought listening meant giving someone else the floor while I kept my mouth shut.
I thought listening meant someone else talks while I wait to respond.
I thought listening was simply the act of receiving information.
But effective listening requires you to be an active participant that is sometimes uncomfortable in the pursuit of truly listening.
Effective listening goes beyond the act of someone simply being heard. And I didn’t understand how to be an active and effective listener.
Until I heard a professor in my communication masters program tell me, “listen not to respond, but to be challenged”.
As someone who thought listening was simply the act of letting the other person be heard while I waited to contribute a response to the conversation… this advice rocked my world.
Listen not to respond, but to be challenged.
Here’s a two-part framework to practice being an effective listener –
Give an extra moment of silence
Sitting in silence can be awkward and uncomfortable but being able to practice waiting in silence is one of the best strategies I’ve learned in business. You’d be so surprised by the amount of rapport you can build and information you can gain when you sit in silence for just a moment longer. Giving an extra moment of silence will help prompt the other person to speak up.
2. Ask clarifying questions
When you are looking to deepen understanding and continue practicing effective listening, try asking these questions to prompt continued conversation. Questions such as,
"Can you expand where you are coming from?”
“What has been your experience with…”
“Tell me more”
And then once the question(s) are asked, you can repeat the framework and go back to honoring the silence.
Here are a handful of situations the two-part listening framework could be applied to -
When layoffs happen
When current events are impacting performance/engagement
When conflict arises across team members
When you aren’t seeing eye to eye with clients
When you need to find common ground with new coworkers
Effective listening is a skillset that needs to be practiced just as much as any other skill set in the workplace – if not more. By allowing yourself to bask in silence and encouraging yourself to be challenged when listening, you’ll be able to practice effective listening.
Effective listening will help you navigate tough situations in the workplace. It will help you problem solve, it will help you create healthy working relationships, and it will ultimately help you be successful in the progression of your career.
I hope this two part framework helps. Practice it in your own workplace this week and let me know how it makes an impact!
