Communicating Allyship In The Workplace
An “only” Perspective In B2B Tech
I took a vacation recently (what a concept) and had some time to read a couple of books. One being Michelle Obama’s The Light We Carry that was gifted to me.
In one of the chapters, she writes about the concept of “onlies” and being the “only” black person in a lot of rooms she walked into. As the Former First Lady got her start in Corporate Law she saw that other women around her learned how to put on a suit of armor in order to fit in and abide by the “normal” rules put in place to keep business, and career trajectories, successful.
As I reflected on my own corporate experience, I realized that I guess I always knew I was an “only” but I had never seen it described — or written — as such. I was always the darkest one in the room. Or the “the black friend” or the “the Oreo” or the “what are you?” I even wrote about this back in 2020 when I contributed a guest blog to The Diversity Movement where I reflected on the fact that I fit into the “normal” corporate mold and that was success to me. I was an ‘only’ and yet – I fit in with the majority. I felt accomplished. Like I had chameleon’d my way to success.
So as I read about another’s experience, I couldn’t help but further reflect on my own experience as an “only” and how communication has been an incredible tool for me to use in situations where I was other.
I use communication as my tool as an “only” trying to make room for other “onlies” in the corporate realm. I’m an “only” — who is extremely passing — trying to use her own privilege to help people in power make better, more equitable and inclusive policies and decisions. I’m able to to leverage my privilege and my passing identity as a tool to help other “onlies” navigate the workplace. And I’ve realized that Civil Communication is one of the most effective tools in my corporate toolbox that I can call upon. And it’s empowering as hell.
I do this through Civil Communication. And through storytelling.
Here’s how to use Civil Communication as a tool in your workplace toolbox —
Start by asking the question, "What is your experience with XYZ?"
De-escalate tense situations by using the phrase "In my experience..."
Reiterate/clarify what you have heard "What I'm hearing is...?"
Challenge yourself to become a better listener -- Think to yourself "What is something new I can learn from what this person is telling me right now?
And never hesitate to walk away from a heated situation "Is it ok if we continue this conversation later?"
I haven’t made much of any progress (that’s a story for another day) but I’ll start and continue to keep talking about my experience as an “only” in the spaces I’m in and how I’ve called upon Civil Communication to help tell my own story and advocate for others.
