4 Tips for Communicating With People You Don't Like At Work
Forced to work with someone you don't like? It's a tale as old as time. Throughout our lives, we always come across people whom we do not like and people who are hard to work with.
Remember those group project days when you were assigned to work with the one person in the class you were hoping to avoid? Or the idiotic coworkers who test your patience? And let's not forget the incompetent bosses who make you think, 'How are they even in this position?'
It’s one thing to work with people you don’t like but what do you do when everything they say and every email you receive from them makes you angry?
Every week I ask my community what emails and situations they need help with and it seems like every week I am receiving messages from people explaining situations such as…
“Emailing someone in a different department that's irritating and needy. All their emails just make me angry”
“Working with a superior who you hate and are being forced into opportunities to work with them”
“A board member that keeps bullying employees and makes it difficult to work “
And my most recent favorite…
“How to save your sanity when you share office space with negative NELLIES FROM HELL”
Working with people you don’t like seems totally counterproductive to your success—and sanity—right? Well, not if I have anything to say on the matter. Sure, people are hard to work with—that’s unfortunately just a part of adulting—but when we learn how to navigate and communicate with those difficult people, it makes our lives a lot easier.
Here are 4 tips to consider when working with people you don’t like -
Define it – What exactly is happening in this workplace scenario? What is bothering you most about the person you’re forced to work with? What is it, specifically, they are doing or are not doing? Can you uncover the real underlying problem versus the noise and personal opinions/feelings towards the person?
Tip - Write it down! This will help you define and document the problems amongst the noise
Set structure - You have permission to dislike someone you work with. You do not have permission to disrespect someone you do not like in the workplace. Therefore, it is important to set appropriate structure needed to keep your interactions positive. For example….here are specific scripts and examples you can use depending on the person and/or the situation -
When a coworker constantly aggravates you, keep every interaction focused on the task at hand -
“hey xx, I am currently working on abc. Can you share a status update on what you’re working on? It’ll help us…”
When your coworker is a nuisance, gossips, or a distraction -
“Hey xx, I’m really focused on abc task/project right now. I know this is impactful to you right now. That said, I’m not able to extend bandwidth to other tasks/topics otherwise it’ll impact what I’m working on.”
When someone is demanding and impatient -
“Hey xx, I am currently working on xyz. I’ll be able to work on xx task by xx day/time”
When you really dislike working with someone but need to get on the same page in order to get the job done -
“hey xx, my goal working together is to make sure we are as productive as we can be. How can we best work together?”
Further, it may help to shift your mindset from focusing on why you dislike the person to how working with the person will help you get the task done.
3. Control what you can control - People are hard to work with and unpredictable. You don't know what they are bringing to work that day or what will set them off. Focus on your priorities and don't let their bad days derail your focus
4. Put yourself in their shoes - if all else fails, there is a refined skill of being able to empathize with those you work with on a daily basis. It’s hard but it might make the task of working with difficult people a little less…daunting
At the end of the day, we are all doing the best we can. And even the most annoying people are doing the best they can too. Sometimes it helps to a) give them a break and b) give some perspective on the situation. But for when enough is enough, know that you can use effective communication as a tool in your toolbox to navigate even the most difficult coworkers.
