Use Your Voice. Take Up Space
I’ll be the first one to admit it - I’m a pushover.
Admittedly, it’s something I’m working on (in therapy) but throughout my career, I have let people silence me, walk all over me, and take credit for my ideas because I felt like I needed to ‘earn my keep’. I felt like (and still feel like) I need to constantly prove my worth in order to be respected and worthy of my ideas.
Close more deals… and then you’ll have more credibility.
Get a promotion… and then you’ll have a seat at the table.
Get more tenure under your belt… and then you’ll finally be respected.
But… will this ever be the case? Will credibility, respect, and a chance to be heard ever really be ‘earned’ or do I need to take it for myself?
I’m learning this lesson the hard way over and over again.
And this learning really hit home for me when I was a new mom coming back to the office trying to pump and navigate meetings while being away from my baby. And for all you working moms out there… you probably feel me on this already.
Not only is it extremely EXHAUSTING needing to pump every 2-3 hours (I always needed was and a snack on hand at any moment) but it was like a game of hide and seek trying to figure out where to pump and when to pump in between meetings.
When I came back from maternity leave, the office graciously had a ‘respite room’, a room that nursing/pumping mothers could use that also doubled as a meditation and yoga room. A multipurpose room if you will.
A couple months after returning to work, I was having your typical shit day at the office. Traffic. Trouble parking. Mean emails hitting my inbox. Meetings running late. Zero time for lunch. And trouble finding time to pump. Towards the end of the [very long] day I finally found a window to go to the respite room to pump.
But it was occupied.
So I waited.
10 minutes... 20 minutes... 30 minutes... 35 minutes…
I kept thinking to myself, “A mother is in there pumping nourishment for her baby while she is away so give her the space she needs”. I restrained myself from knocking on the door because I wanted to give her the time and space a working mom deserves.
But after 35 minutes I thought to myself, “ok, even my longest pumping sessions don’t last more than 35 minutes”. So I reluctantly walked up to the door and lightly knocked.
And to my surprise… Guess who opened the door? A man. A man who was NOT pumping. A man who was wearing his airpods, with his laptop in hand, taking a SOLO meeting in the respite/mothers room.
I was beside myself. I sat in the room crying while I pumped because I felt so disrespected in a space that was supposed to be safe for working mothers. Not to mention I was in physical pain from not relieving myself sooner AND I was fearful that the delay in pumping would cause a drop in my supply. A supply I was already fighting so hard to hang onto while being back at work away from my baby.
On top of that, I had been so respectful of the person's space in that room. But was that man being respectful of what I needed from that room?
NO.
This is not uncommon for other people in the workplace. And while I can speak from recent experience as a newly working mother, I have a feeling that more experienced working moms are out there thinking, “I’ve been through way worse”. And… That’s just not ok.
Admittedly, I did not speak up for myself at that moment. I was too taken aback and I cowered.
Looking back on it, I wish I would have stood up for myself. I wish I would have used my voice and I wish I would have taken up space to do the things I needed to do for my body and for my baby.
From that day on, I have adopted the mantra - Use Your Voice. Take Up Space - anytime I enter a professional environment. Whether it be the office, a meeting, a networking event, or an interview I tell myself “use your voice, take up space”
Use your voice. Take up space.
The workplace will take advantage of what you can offer. Don’t let business manipulate and silence you for a profit.
You – as a person – comes first. Profit will follow.
Use your voice. Take up space.
And when you commit to using your voice, here is a communication framework that will equip you to have even the toughest conversations, with the most effective communication.
The Communication Framework for Tough Conversations -
State your observation(s)
Recap the goal
Ask how to best move forward
In the mothers room pumping situation detailed about, what I should have said in the moment was this,
“Hey Mr.
I noticed you were spending time in the respite room. That room is designed for nursing mothers and not for taking meetings. My goal when coming into the office, especially as a new mom, is to be able to pump in that room in between meetings when it’s available. Can you help make sure you’re not spending time in there when myself and other mothers may need it?”
These conversations are uncomfortable but if you follow the framework outlined above, it will give you a little more confidence and comfort knowing that you effectively used your voice in a situation where you may otherwise have become voiceless.
Use your voice. Take up space.
