Managing Up - 4 Tips for Working With Difficult Leaders
If you feel like work is hard lately, or if you feel like you work with difficult people, it’s because work is hard and you do work with challenging people. There is nothing worse than working with an incompetent boss or dealing with bad leadership.
→ “My boss doesn’t listen to me”
→ “How to tell manager being short staffed is burning out the team”
→ “My manager says they don’t know what their role is and they don’t actually do their work”
→ “My boss said she would call me when she needs help… like what”
These are actual conversations I’ve had over the last few weeks. I’ll reserve my comments for why incompetent people are in positions of leadership because my goal today is to help YOU navigate these bad bosses.
And I’ve got two words for you… Managing up.
And before I go into advice on how to best manage up, let me just say that I know this is not your job. In fact, managing your manager is another job on top of your already demanding job. And it’s not fair.
But learning how to manage up is a unique skill set that will not only position yourself as a competent, productive professional but it will also save you some time, sanity and trouble. I am in the business of problem solving and giving you practical advice and tips to use in the workplace so let’s get into it.
3 tips to manage up at work -
Evaluate the health of the relationship
In order to address the situation appropriately, you will need to decipher the health of the relationship. Do you typically have a good working relationship? Is it too casual? Is it strained? You will handle the situation with your manager differently based on the health of your relationship. If your manager is constantly disrespecting you, you will approach the situation vastly differently than if you have a casual seemingly good relationship with your manager. Work to identify what type of relationship you have and then you can apply the de-escalation tactics mentioned below to the context of the relationship.
2. De-escalate
One of my favorite communication strategies to deploy in professional settings is the concept of “de-escalation”. Likely, if you are managing up, you are the one who is taking the higher road and having to regulate your emotions in the conversation. Again, it should not be your job to regulate the conversation but managers love to be stressed out and take it out on the people who work closest to them. When you notice tense situations arising, such as when managers are speaking over you, raising their voice, or simply ignoring you, use phrases such as;
“Hey boss, it’s not my intent to make this more frustrating than it needs to be”
“Hey boss, lately there’s been a disconnect between us working together, what’s your take on that?”
Both of these will call attention to the tense situation you are diffusing. It then opens up the conversation for your boss to respond and give you insight into what they are needing at that moment.
3. Speak the same language
After you diffuse the conversation using a de-escalation tactic, that will give you insight into the disconnect and tension. From there, learn how to speak your manager’s language. A lot of interpersonal conflict in the workplace stems from people speaking at each other, not with each other. For example, if you are a healthcare administrator working with a clinician, you will likely speak different languages - one more clinical and one more business oriented. When you are managing up, learn to speak what you need in terms they would understand.
4. Control what you can control
Lastly, people are hard to work with. There is only so much you can do to improve relationships, diffuse situations, and manage up. Control what you can control, focus on the work you do, and do a really good job at it so at the end of the day you know you contributed in a positive way.
Managing up is a skill set most of us don’t intend to have to learn in the workplace. It’s not easy and it can feel unfair. Like it or not, middle managers lack the resources, the training, and the time to appropriately lead people. It is a glaring gap in the professional world. Which is why I work to help you use your communication skills to make the workplace better for everyone involved.
