Are You Being Gaslit at Work? How to Find Out and What To Do About It

There’s a lot to be said about working in Corporate America. There’s a lot of change, a lot of unnecessary politics, A LOT of emails, and a lot of kool-aid. Every time I talk about my shitty experiences in Corporate (see the video I shared this week here), there’s always a handful of women who message me about their experiences too. 

“Thank you for sharing this” 

“I’ve been through the same thing”

“You wouldn’t believe what happened to me this week”

I should be surprised by the fact that this is happening across the board but what I find interesting is that when I talk to people like you, you are are incredibly intelligent, talented, and valuable and yet… you are still putting up with bad workplaces, jobs, and people that don’t serve you anymore.

If you find yourself at work saying to yourself “it could always be worse” or “at least I’m getting paid” or worse “I’ve worked so hard for my entire career to make it this far, what other option do I have?” 

It’s possible you’re experiencing the (not so) new phenomena called gaslighting in your workplace.

If you’re like any of the women I’ve talked to this week, I’m sure you’ve experienced the “flavor of the week” syndrome. Flavor of the week syndrome is when your boss constantly shifts priorities and focus from one project to another without ever seeing it through. One day they are extremely excited about your contributions to the business and the next you are old news. One minute they need all hands on deck for this one project and the next minute they have canceled it completely to move onto something “bigger and better”. 

Priorities change - that’s just business right? But how do you know if it’s flavor of the week syndrome or if it borders on gaslighting?

Well, let’s define what gaslighting is. Gaslighting is the act of psychologically manipulating someone into doubting themselves. 

→ Like that project you worked so hard on and thought it was a work of art only for your boss to change the requirements last minute? 

→ Or the way your boss made a snarky comment about taking time off for that funeral you attended?

→ Or if you can’t tell if you are being set up for success or failure when more is added to your plate year after year without title changes or salary increases?

It can be hard to identify gaslighting, especially in the workplace, when there are power dynamics, job responsibilities, and compensation consequences to navigate. 

You might be experiencing gaslighting if -

• You feel overwhelmed by the amount of work on your plate but more keeps being added to it

• You are overqualified for the work you are doing

• You're afraid to ask for help because you don't want to seem incapable

• Priorities are constantly changing

• You are constantly told… 

• “thanks for being flexible” 

• or “we just need to get through this change” 

• or “it's simple" 

• or “all you need to do is…”

I’ve experienced it all. And if you are a hardworking woman in Corporate America, I know you have too. If there is one thing I can leave you with today, it is this: 

Start documenting everything you are experiencing at work.

From projects you are working on, to the teams you’re working with, to the layoffs and reorgs- document everything. This will allow you to look back over time to understand what work you have done, what has changed, the timeline, and what you have been able to accomplish despite it all. 

And because I’m all about giving you practical and actionable advice, I am providing a Job Journal to help you document everything. I’m going to be real with you - yes, it’s another item on your to do list but I’d recommend bookmarking this document so you can revisit it once a month to keep it up to date. This will help you prepare for 1:1s, performance reviews, and ultimately help you stay sane in a workplace that is getting harder and harder to make sense of. 

CAREER CIVILITY JOB JOURNAL

I’ve seen this simple task transform careers, and it can transform yours too.

If you’re ready to stop spinning your wheels and start feeling empowered in your career, the Job Journal is just the beginning. I’ve got something coming up that will show you exactly how to unblock what’s keeping you stuck at work.